About BC Woods

 

BC Woods (left), Dad (middle), Bryan (right)

What People Are Saying About BC Woods:

“Oh please say he’s not going to be there. That guy creeps me out. He’s like a serial killer or something.” ~various

“Hahahaha! You have a crush on her? Yeah right!” ~Mom

“Yeah? Well fuck you! If you hadn’t been born I’d still have a speed boat and two corvettes.” ~Dad

“BC, you’re problem is that you’re a dumbass. All you need to do is stop. Just stop being a dumbass.” ~Grandpa

“BC is very bright… he’s just… well yeah. You’ve met him haven’t you?” ~Teacher

“Wow, being cruel to yourself with meta humor? Yeah, very fucking clever. Nice way to arouse the sympathy of your reader when you’re a skill-less asshole. You know what a meta joke really is? It’s being too lazy to think within the context of reality. Next time why don’t you try to do some fucking work?” ~Myself

“Doofus.” ~Tucker Max

“Hey? Didn’t that guy work for Tucker Max? Man… what a dipshit. No, I meant both of them.” ~various

“I’ve always known you were a loser… but now that I’ve seen your room… well, now I just feel sorry for you. Why haven’t you tried to kill yourself yet?” ~Captain of High School Football Team

Biography:

BC Woods, a pseudonym for Andrew Peterson, was born April 1st, 1985 in Aberdeen WA, the second of five children. He has been writing stories since the age of seven, and harboring mortal hatred of his older sister since infancy. Occasionally, he likes to relate the one time he beat the shit out of her when he was nine, and how this was the most positive and life-affirming moment of his entire life. When in the passionate throes of this retelling he is unable to sense the horror and discomfort of his audience.

He does not mean for this biography to be solely about his hatred of his sister, but seriously: what an evil bitch.

He graduated from high school in 2004, winning the top scholarships from the math and science departments. He finds this odd considering he was sent to the remedial classroom for the first three days of first grade, when his instructor came to the conclusion he was autistic. While this might have caused other children to become distraught, Andrew merely spent the time playing marbles with the glass eye of another child in the classroom until the error was rectified. The second player was of course the consenting provider of the glass eye.

Andrew also won Best Talent in the “Mr. Irresistible 2004″ competition at his high school for solving a velocity problem involving Curious George jumping off a building, while simultaneously stripping to “I Touch Myself” by the Divinyls. Footage of this event is alleged to still exist in the Aberdeen High School science department, and may or may not show a brief flash of Andrew’s bottom gut. This brief flash may or may not have elicited a disgusted groan from the audience. Furthermore, this may or may not have made Andrew feel pretty shitty, however further evidence is needed before any of these rumors can be substantiated.

It is believed that in the summer of his final year of high school, Andrew went on to slay the Dragon of Burgund by driving a sword forged from a fallen star deep into the Dragon’s heart. Then later, by bathing in in the serpent’s blood, Andrew is believed to have acquired a near indestructible skin except for a small spot on his back that was covered by a leaf at the time of his bathing. It is further believed that after several occurrences involving a ring, a bunch of pissed off dwarf ghosts, most of the members of the Burgund Royalty, that Andrew was slain and burnt on a pyre at sea. Still other historians speculate that he in fact spent this summer working in a saw-mill sweating his ass off to make money for school. However, most serious scholars have reached consensus on the former opinion and dismissed the latter as nonsense.

He attended the University of Washington for 3 years with further funds from a NASA Space Grant. While up one morning at 3am, after having tried unsuccessfully for several hours to reduce an algebraic matrix to row echelon form so he could find its gamma function and then determine its eigen values, he screamed in fury suddenly realizing that the original matrix was symmetric and that no reduction had actually been necessary in the first place. He then decided that since he likes writing better than math or science it was time to take a break from college in order to pursue his true passion full time.

Since making this decision Andrew has given himself a Bachelor’s Degree in the Fictional Sciences, and a Ph.D. in Astro-Urology for his discovery of the life-extending properties of Sandworm melange.

He is available for anything you could possibly want at brandoncwoods@gmail.com