So, we’re back… in a sense. I’ve lost all my images, and there’s some formatting work that needs to be done on the site itself but all the stories are back where they were. They may be hard to get to at the moment, but they’re there if you do a google search.
What happened? Long story short: A server somewhere went kaboom, we couldn’t get to where we needed to get to fix the problem, yada yada yada, then we figured out how to upload the saved database once the server problem was fixed.
Anyhow, to apologize for this crappiness I would like to let you vote on the next story I write.
1. The time my penis fell out of my pants in high school
2. The time I spent three days helping my dad’s pygmy goat give birth
3. Another Fantasy Story
4. The time I punched a little girl in the face on accident during Karate practice
5. Advice on Writing, which we all know I am qualified to give because I have never been published yet maintain a blog so I must be self important
Please vote once in the comments, if you voted before we got the site back up and your vote was eaten, please vote again.
Now… I’m going to spend the next six hours uploading images to my site.
God help me.
Special thanks of course go to IamRob of FreakSafari without whom this site would not exist at all, let alone have been fixed.
If I had to guess, I think you’d want to write a fantasy story. I really like those, as who better writes and lives in a fantasy world than someone who had a fucked up childhood. I mean this in the finest way possible.
I vote for fantasy story. As for the others, a penis falling out? Every guy has that story. Advice on writing? That would be good if I were a writer, and I’m generally happy with subject and verb agree. The pygmy goat story is probably good, and that’s my 2nd choice. And punching a girl in the face sounds like something Rob would do, except he’d do it on purpose.
Oh… oh my goodness. My holy goodness. None of your apostrophes introduced weird back slashes into the text….
YES! THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY IN THE HISTORY OF AMERICA!
2 or 4, preferably 2.
Heyy, first commenter here but I’ve read your blog for quite some time =]
I vote for the Karate-punch
Nothing better than accidently puching children in the face.
Alright, you assholes, I’ll jump on the grenade: let’s hear the penis story.
Again, too many stories of your dick falling out. And punching children is awesome write that. 4. Also see if you can look her up and see if she still feels the sting of your fist.
@K
Thank you for your vote
@Emmaliah
Thank you for your comment and please feel free to comment any time you so choose, and maybe even times you don’t really want to… muahahhahahahahahahaha *breaks off into coughing*
@Ken
See, I think people want to hear that story too but everyone is just afraid to say anything about it. Thank you for your bravery Ken.
@Eric
Come on! It’s only happened twice… that I know of.
#4 please. Punching innocent girls in the face can be nothing but hilarious. It’s an absolutely irrefutable proven fact, like gravity or the Panama canal.
You know what would be an awesome scene for a movie?
HERO CHARACTER “Fact: The Panama mother-fucking Canal.”
HERO proceeds to beat the shit out of asshole villain character.
How totally smooth would that be? If I have to hit someone today, I am totally going to say that before I do.
I agree, your penis seemed to be roaming freely an inordinate amount of times in your life. Invest in some good zippers. Or remember to use them. Whatever.
I vote goat. Vote Goat in ’09!
Eric is right, if you can find the punchee, that would make a potentially awesome story even…awesome…r…
Anyway, karate is my vote.
I vote either 3 or 4.
‘Vote Goat!’
I’m for that one partly because it’s so darn catchy.
(people just need to rhyme or alliterate and I can’t resist)
Something has been missing in my life and I just realized that it’s a pygmy goat gynecological saga.
I’m totally straight, but I’d love to hear about your penis.
You keep teasing us with number one but never tell the story so im voting 1 because i really want to hear it
@Tiff
Well, in my defense I was wearing my blue slacks with the broken zipper. Although at that time I just referred to them as “my blue slacks.” I think it’s also something about the way I walk.
@Frank
Noted my lawyerly friend.
@Jessica
Thank you for re-submitting your voteS. See? I noticed the plurality.
@Eileen
There is a lot to know about a goat’s vagina. And I didn’t even learn the half of it.
How is Erin?
@craspy
I love telling people about my penis so thank you.
number 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#2 is my vote!
That you know know of? Is it that unwieldy of a beast?
Penis stories are fun. I wonder why you felt the need to help a pygmy goat give birth for three days, why not call a vet? I think, however, that a fantasy story is the way to go this time. Maybe have the fantasy story mention roaming penii?
Man the karate one has potential as a bad memory for an innocent girl but the penis one has life scarring bad memory potential which is your bread and buuter. I say the one where your cock fell out.
Yaaay! My vote is for another Fantasy story.
Preferably the pygmy goat but the karate kick would be okay too….
I vote #1 or #5!
Yes.
For some reason, the goat one…
PENIS!! Penis penis penis. For sure want to hear it, can not WAIT to hear it. (I re-read what I just wrote and it sounds sort of creepy…. but I still vote for the penis story!)
@ Citivolus
The phrase “roaming penii” brings up many detailed mental images thanks to the movie Superbad. Damn you Seth Rogan!
I wanna read about the little girl getting punched in the face.
Welcome back – I was worried there for an hour or two.
Sorry you lost your images; it intrigues me why it seems SOP to omit the images from the backups. I understand saving media space, but c’mon – having bacukps is so you *don’t* have to upload your images again.
The pygmy goat story! I say this because my family has four pygmy goats at home, two of which were born there, and I would like to hear about someone else’s Epic Goat Battles for once.
Also, I didn’t comment on the Nub story because I am a lazy bum, but it was really good. I was hooked early on, which is the biggest thing you need to do in any story, and I stayed hooked to the end (even though I could see it coming), which is the second biggest thing to do in any story. Keep ‘em coming!
I’m torn. Penis-pants-fall-outing is inherently funny… but it’s been done. Not in the social minefield that is high school, mind you, so there’s that new wrinkle for cringe-inducing… um, cringiness.
BUT: I am just so damn curious about #2. Ick factor notwithstanding, 3 days helping a pygmy goat give birth has simply got to bust a gut.
So: I, also, Vote Goat in ’09. It’s a vote for change, you see.
That, and caprine afterbirth.