Sometimes something happens that I can’t help. Some people start to love what I write. As gross as that sometimes feels to me, it appears to be true. So here is a list of things which are terribly uninteresting, but which some people will read anyway.
Listen to my voice, on this podcast. (Update: The podcast is no longer on-line)
Go See Evanescence Live with my Brother!
Probably a little dated, but there are pictures from my childhood on here.
Warm Holiday Wishes from DunceUponATime
This is not worth reading in any way shape or form. It’s just a quick hello, and a reminder that I have myspace blogs people can read if they want to. Again, not worth reading.
Things to chew on for a while…
I BC Woods (and by BC Woods, I mean Andrew Peterson) being of sound mind and body, do hereby whole-heartedly recommend based upon their constitutional excellence and craftsmanship the following comedic products for your consumption:
The Bugle: from comedians Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver this is a podcast freely available to anyone with the proper sense to listen to it.
Answer Me This Podcast: An extremely funny podcast featuring Helen Zaltzman and Olly Mann. I recommend it to anyone who is not a dumbass.
The Area of My Expertise: A book by John Hodgman. Again. I recommend this to everyone. If I knew any people in my personal life who could read, I doubt this book would ever be on my bookshelf.
Today is International Pixel-Stained Technopeasant Day
Want to know how I learned to write? It involves several occurrences of mystical nature, a mountain shooting a beam of light, and a lot of paper thrown in garbage cans.
My Sister is Having her Baby Today.. and I will STILL Live-Blog BSG
My sister had her baby on this day. I was pretty depressed. I needed something to pick me up. So you know what I did? I live-blogged BSG afterward (see below) because I guess I can never bleed enough. Seriously though, let’s pray for the little guy. He’s my blood after all.
My favorite angry lady, who yells at me whenever she has the opportunity (all the time) ordered me to write this. I obliged.
What the Hell is Gray Bolt Ascending?
I’m writing a YA novel, serializing it on this site, and you’re probably horribly disinterested.
Prom, Vikings, Baby-Sitting, and Llamas
Pictures of me that relate to stories I have written.
FAQ: Will you ever run out of stories?
I answer with a Venn Diagram.
I reach something of a stupid conclusion when I see a video on TED.com
Sometimes people see me smiling to myself, and ask “What are you thinking about, BC?”
“Oh nothing,” I reply.
I tell this lie to save them from the horrible, horrible truth. For in this story, you shall read what I am actually thinking about at such times.
If you can complete every task set forth on this list, then not only are you too good for me, you are way too good for me.
Blah blah blah, internet drama, OMG? Rlly? WTF? Taht is teh suxor.
On the one year anniversary of my last post on DaddyDontHitMe, I let people know why I left Rudius. Shockingly, this is nowhere near as interesting as people may have hoped.
How I Developed an Imagination
I illustrate, in this three part cartoon.
I’m busy. This bull crap update illustrates exactly how busy by telling you briefly why it is that I cannot write a better update.
As always, when I am pressed for time I go straight to creepy, creepy stuff as short hand for humor.
Actual pictures and stuff confirming some of what I have told you. Kind of. There’s a newspaper article about my fourth grade teacher dropping dead in the middle of class, as well as sworn testimony from the deer that attacked me when I was small. Well… maybe not the last one, but you know. Some of it is pretty fun.
I sometimes sound like people from Fargo, and think Sara Benincasa is fantastic.
The Ballsiest Moment in Cartoon History
Remember a cartoon from the 80’s and early 90’s called “David the Gnome?” Remember how David the Gnome made you feel loved and taught you to respect the environment? Well guess what. David turned 400 years old, turned into a tree, and fucking died. And a little piece of my innocence died with him.
I suck, my grandfather dies, I have writer’s block, and I spend way too much time thinking about the differences between looking like Jesus and looking like Abraham Lincoln.
Several embarrassingly overwrought works of fiction from my youth. Yes, you may feel free to make fun of me for them.
In A World Where the Daily Show is Only Excellent
Basically, all this piece really does is illustrate that I want Jon Stewart’s dick in my mouth. For a person who regularly gives overly positive reviews, this is still gay. I am ashamed that I love the Daily Show this unreservedly… but you don’t know the Daily Show like I do! And you’ll never keep us apart!
Help Me Help You Bankrupt Patrick Rothfuss
If you didn’t read this on the front page, I’m sure it is now out of date. However, it does contain a list of what I feel is the most sacred of all male bonding rituals.
Two Awesome Things I Found on the Internet
<Awesome movie voice> This November, when Andrew Peterson finds a song and a movie he likes on the Internet, he posts them to his blog. One song! One movie! Multiple chances to watch as it is unlikely either will ever be taken down! Coming whenever you’re reading this, to the computer or electronic device on which you are reading it!</Awesome movie voice>
A Cornucopia of Country Songs in which a Child is Abused or Dies
As I am sadly disposed to do, I was sitting around one day listening to country music, when I began to notice a very disconcerting pattern emerge. These are the songs I was able to think of immediately that fell into that pattern.
For some reason it seemed terribly important to tell people I hate lizards. Probably not a good idea.
Aren’t you sad you missed out on this competition and that there’s absolutely no reason it should be linked from the archives?
I link to a fascinating interview with one of the most prolific television writers of all time.
Several announcements about why the site temporarily crashed.
Magic Wand, Make my Monster Grow!
I ask people to make me a banner in exchange for a story. This offer is always good.
Do you want an avatar when you comment? Read this update!
Bow Before the Might of ShawShaw
An awesome person makes me an awesome banner.
Some updates you will read only if you are an insane person and like to read updates about things
Timely ever February 14th
Ken liveblogs his reaction to IamRob’s liveblog of me liveblogging Battlestar Galactica
A meta circle jerk of blogging. I assure you, the internet does not get more self indulgent than this.
Added solely for the sake of completeness.
Proposal for a Game: Dirty Talk/Fancy Talk
I explain how saying truly awful things of a sexual nature can be very humorous if done with an erudite sense of speech.
These are the kinds of things I think about while going to the bathroom.
I make a long joke about masturbation that’s as awkward and uncomfortable as the act itself.
An Announcement of Cinematic Proportions
I wrote a movie. How’s about some fancy person from Hollywood reads this and buys it from me? Please? Oh come on! I promise it’s funny! No! My mother hasn’t even seen it!
Fuck You, It’s High School Poetry Time
I embarass myself. Severely.
Vote Once, or I will Eff you in All your Eff Holes
A voting thingamawhatzit, added solely for completeness.
What I Miss Most About Old Timey Thermometers…
And why did I put this as an update instead of a twitter?
Updates, and other Objects of a Conceptual Nature
I talk. About things.
Comments