Battlestar Galactica Finale Liveblog 3/13/09 Daybreak Part 1

At long last, it has come. It is the the beginning… of the beginning of the end… of this particular version of Battlestar Galactica. I know this is hard, and a lot of us will find it difficult to go on with our daily routines when something this profound ends. It is an occasion that renders words useless and makes men of strong resolve pause to mark the ending of an era.

I can only offer this for inspiration: If I can find it within myself to masturbate less than an hour after reading Eli Weisel’s holocaust memoir “Night” in its entirety, then anyone can do anything they set their minds toward.*

This Week in Nerdery

Monday

I’m writing this part of this “Week of Nerdery” as my step-father talks in the background. Listening to his jackass prattle destroys all other thoughts in my mind. So I’m not going to really spend a lot of time here.

Ugh.

SHUT UP!

Friday

I went to my little brother’s school patriot concert today, and unlike most people listened to the lyrics of the songs. As about 90 school children rattled on about how they loved Idaho, I changed the word “Idaho” in my mind to “Clementine.”

I realized then, that every song I have ever heard about love of state seems unnecessarily sexual. “Oh Idaho I could run for days over your giant mountains/I want to drink from your pure rivers.” I looked up and the person directing all the children looked like a gay Helo Agathon with a bad goatee. I had one of those moments where I wanted to laugh my ass off except that it would be extremely inappropriate. Instead, my face just got really red and it probably looked like I was sobbing.

I managed to get it together about five minutes later.

Recommendation

Someone sent me a link to a game called Kingdom of Loathing, and from what little I’ve played of it so far it seems like an absolute blast. I won’t bother to explain it but it’s very addicting. Click on the link to find out more. It’s definitely worth your time to register.

BEGIN LIVEBLOG

Pre-Show Thoughts:

I have no idea how this show is going to end. So let’s just sit back and watch.

~8:00pm

Going through the recaps. Found Kara’s dead body. Letting us know that everyone knows Kara was dead and that Anders has a bullet in his head. Recap of Anders in a tank of goo. Recap of Hera’s song. Recap of Kara playing it with her dead father. Recap of Kara sitting with Anders, and of Helo getting pissed his child was stolen. Recap of the giant bird ship and Boomer wanting to re-flip-flop. And, as we all know, there is a recap that the Galactica is falling apart and is being abandoned.

And now after that we’ve cut to the main bumper.

Is anyone else really antsy about what’s going to happen? Because I can’t imagine this being slow paced. I feel like we’re going to get punched in the face with action again and gain.

~8:02pm

Wow, we just had a big picture of a galaxy of Earth. We’re going through all kinds of places. Water dripping off a floor. White clouds over the surface of the Earth. Looks like we’re flashing back to Caprica City before the fall. Adama is in a building applying for a job. Holy shit. He’s got a suit and tie on, and he’s trying to get out of doing something. Decomissioning Galactica?

We’re with Baltar and Caprica Six now. In the back of a limo, she’s making fun of him for drinking so much. They’re talking about sex, and making masturbation jokes. Baltar is subtly flirting that he’s going to give her an orgasm later in the evening. This may be their first meeting. He just told her that she can call him Gaius if she wants. There’s a phone ringing but Baltar isn’t getting up to answer it… never mind. He did. I would never do that.

~8:05pm

Whatever is being said on the phone is very upsetting. Baltar stopped making out with Six because of it. He’s telling the people on the other end of the phone to wait. He told the person if they left he’d sue them for abandonment.

Now we’re with Roslin inside some building with some of her friends. It looks like she has a pregnant friend. They’re telling her not to clean the room up. People are pouring champagne. The pregnant chick wants a sip of champagne. They’re letting her have it. Roslin loves her some substances. Roslin is with her sisters and she was throwing a baby shower. Oh, this is sad. Because we all know that they’re all burned to shit somewhere right now. They’re laughing about someone named Mrs. Anderson.

~8:07pm

Lots of people sitting on couches and bonding in BSG lately.

Now we’re with Kara in her apartment. Kara said “Frak me, he’s early.” She was cooking and left to answer the door. It’s Lee, and he’s got flowers. Kara is laughingk, introduced herself and Lee came in with his flowers. Zak is still alive. Kara called her totally fuckign awesome apartment a rat trap. What? That place is awesome. Lee called his brother ugly. Which is something you can only do when you come from a super attractive family. Zak said Lee stole one of his old girlfriends once upon a time.

We’re back with Baltar and his crazy old father. Some nurse is leaving and she’s mad. Haha. I love Baltar’s crazy father. Baltar’s father was playing with some knives or something.

~8:09pm

His dad is going on and on about how Gaius is ashamed of his family. Gaius is angry because his dad has chased off three nurses in a row now. His father is like a crazy/wise Irishman who loves farming. Gaius is hitting him with a newspaper and his father raised his cain. It’s awesome. Gaius is calling his father an asshole, and his father is going “Oh! Big Man!” Jesus, this is like my family. Six is saying that they should go. Baltar is telling Six to leave, and is trying to send her off to the car. Gaius said he’s spending the rest of the day with his dad.

~8:11pm

Back with Roslin in her house… or a house. Some people are at the door. The Caprica City Police are at the door. They want to speak with her and have asked to come inside. I think they have bad news. They’re all sitting down now. They’re sorry. Laura’s sisters and father were all killed in an accident. They were hit by a drunk driver. The driver is still alive. I wonder if it is anyone we know. I hope not.

Laura told the cops to go and now she’s staring out the window and cleaning the house. I predict tears and collapse soon. She saw a picture of her family. Still no tears. She’s walking some place. She’s still in her bathrobe though.

~8:13pm

Laura is walking in a park with fountains now. It’s so weird to see these characters in a place where there is a ground and water. She’s staring into a pool, and looks like she’s about to lose it. She sat down and got in the pool. She’s walking toward the fountain. People are staring at her. She’s walking under the water, and sitting in the fountain. If she didn’t have a star aura, she would just look like a hobo tring to get a shower. But this is actually very profound.

We’re in a hospital now, and there’s an IV drip. It’s Laura. We’re back in the present day on the Galactica. Cottle is standing over Laura. Now we’re with Lee in the hangar bay, and he’s filling out the paper work on how to tear up the Galactica. A guy doesn’t want to tear out the mag lifts in the launch tubes, so Lee is telling him to wait till the very end since they’re the heart of Galactica.

~8:15pm

Commercial.

I’ve got no idea what’s going to happen, still. My guess is that it has something to do with what happened on Caprica around the time we’re flashing back to. But still.. I don’t think I can see any generic ending coming out of this. And it’s so weird to see everyone standing on a planet with a sky overhead. I’m so used to seeing these characters walk through corridors with bulkheads that it’s really freaking me out.

Obviously we need to have a confrontation between the Galactica and the Colony Ship, but how? How do they even get next to one another? I’ve got no effing clue how they’re going to steer this ship to port with only another 2 hours and 45 minutes of tv time left, which is really only like 2 hours of screen time. How the hell can they do it? There’s so much shit to take care of.

Also, there is another Pure Sleep commercial on right now. I feel like a woman who has been raped so many times she doesn’t even have feelings anymore. Damn you Pure Sleep, and damn your business plan.

~8:19pm

We’ve got a space shot of the Galactica and we’ve zoomed into Adama’s quaters. Fuck, he’s packign boxes. How depressing is that? He’s even folding sheets. Stacking his pictures up with instructions on the boxes that they’re to be carried to the Cylon baseship.

That really bitchy cynical girl is telling Gaius about how they can totally screw over the rest of the Fleet politically. I do not like that girl. Head Six was telling Gaius that he would author the end of humanity.

~8:21pm

Back in the past on Caprica. Six is in Baltar’s house while Baltar is trying to get with another chick. Six is looking at a drinking glass whiel this is happening. Gaius is threatening to call the police. Six is like, have you fucking seen me? She told Baltar she’s found his father a new place to live. There’s a rest home with a garden somewhere with full time care. She even arranged for his things to be moved, and the old man loves it. I guess this is where Baltar starts to love Six. Six told Baltar his father is happy, and Baltar is like “Damn woman, you are amazing.”

~8:23pm

Back on the Galactica in the present day. We’ve got some pen tapping on the behalf of Kara as she’s composing a song. Nevermind, she’s writing down equations too. Parabolic equations. Why? Is the song goign to have the coordinates of the new planet? Adama is going to fly out the last Viper himself. Very sad. Tigh just told us.

We’re in the brig now, and Helo and Tyrol are arguing with each other. Helo is like, you’re an idiot in love who stole my kids. Tyrol is like, machines suck and I am one. Tyrol says you can’t trust any of the machines. Helo wants to crumple up on himself and die. Tyrol should end his life.

~8:25pm

We’re in what looks like a camera view of an anus. It’s the Base Ship. Cavil is fighting with everyone about Hera. Cavil says that Hera is a Hylon curiosity, and he wants to dissect her. All the other Cylons are apparently in agreement. Hera does not look scared at all.

~8:26pm

Commercial.

So, here’s the situation with Hera on the Base Ship. Cavil doesn’t think she’s magical at all and his whole purpose in kidnapping her was to take her apart and figure out how she was produced. He’s only concerned with the survival of his species at this point. Boomer is ready to unkidnap her, because she’s about to get chopped to bits… hold on. Could that be what leads to the final confrontation? I think it just might be what does it.

Boomer could kidnap Hera… again. She could take Hera to the Galactica and Cavil could come running after… no wait. That doesn’t explain why the previews show Adama telling everyone to get off the Galactica if they don’t want to die. Hmm…. this is most perplexing.

I’ve got no idea. None.

I think I’m going to get mindfucked. What if everyone dies? What if that’s what happens? Fuck me. That would just be amazing.

~8:29pm

Adama knocked some papers out of someone’s hands, and now he’s picking them up. No wait, they are the pictures from the wall on Galactica. And it’s Hot Dog with his Callie Baby that got the pictures knocked out of his hand. Adama is walking up to the pictures of the dead now, the unclaimed dead rather. Hot Dog was only moving pilot pictures. There’s a picture of Athena kissing Hera up on the wall. It’s making Adama sad to look at it. He’s standing in a corridor like he’s about to make a decision. I love this fucking man. He’s got a grim determiend look on his face. He just grabbed the picture of Athena and Hera off the wall. He’s looking at it. I think he wants to take the Galactica down in a blaze of glory.

~8:31pm

We’re in the hangar deck with Lee and Baltar. Baltar wants a voice in the council. Lee is saying “SHUT UP! YOU CALLED KARA A ZOMBIE!” Baltar says Lee is reducing everything to his personal feelings about Kara Thrace. Baltar says he just wants to talk. Lee sighed and said Baltar can have five minutes.

Now we’re with Kara and Anders and Adama. She’s telling Adama about the music, and about how she wants to assign numbers to the notes. That frakking song, man. That frakking song. Adama wants to know if Kara is rally a zombie. She said yes. She explained the whole situation in about two sentences. Adama is looking very grim. Adama wants to ask Anders a question, so he asked Kara to plug him in. He also told Kara he knows who she is, because she’s his daughter and she had better not forget it. I love Adama. He reminds me of my grandpa.

~8:34pm

Anders has just been plugged in and started to make a fist.

We’re back on Caprica. We’re with Anders sitting in a tub talking to reporters about sports. He’s giving an interview. Man, he’s even talking like a dumb athlete. Now Anders said he’s going to tell the truth, because he doesn’t care about the game or the trophies or any of it. He cares about perfect throws, perfect catches, and perfect step locks. He cares about perfection and the moment in which he can achieve perfection. He says he can feel the beauty of physics and such. Now we’re back on Galactica and he’s murmuring. I’d never be able to stop laughing if I had to do that psychobabble.

Adama’s about to ask a question. He told Kara to ask it instead. Lots of drumming. I’m scared. And of course we cut away to commercial. Frak me.

~8:36pm

Commercial.

So, I’m really digging the LOST’ian vibe of this episode. I hope it continues to next week. Flashback, future yada yada yada. Very hot. It’s great stuff.

So we’ve got “All Along the Watchtower” as a possible code on how to get to a new colony. I hope like all hell that that is a red herring. Logically, they should find a way to kill Cavil and then try to colonize Kobol again, since as I recall it’s lost all of its residual radiation. Right? Kobol is still totally habitable right?

And there’s a plot hole I noticed a while back, but don’t know if I pointed out. When Boomer took Helen to the fleet, how did she know where the Fleet was parked? Does Cavil know and he’s just not telling anyone? Why hasn’t he jumped on top of the Fleet and destroyed them yet? Or is he afraid of confrontation since he lost resurrection?

Also, I’m very creeped out by people who want to own clothing from BSG.

~8:39pm

Back with Baltar and Lee. Baltar is talking about how much he loves the Galactica. Baltar says when the Galactica goes there will be a massive change in the Fleet. Baltar wants his people to have a voice in the government. He’s trying to pretend he’s not chasing his own amibtions by asking for this. If I were Lee I’d make him choose another representative of his group. Lee refused Baltar’s hand, and refused Baltar a representative in the government. Is this going to lead to a rebellion?

Lee asked Baltar to tell him about one act of heroism he has committed. Baltar says he wouldn’t trust him either. Now he’s walking off. Lee looks pissed.

~8:42pm

We’re looking at a little toy viper on Caprica. Lee is taking off his coat. He looks drunk. I have no idea who he’s talking to, but there’s a pigeon in his house. I hate pigeons. Rats with wings. Now he’s hitting the pigeon with a broom. He knocked over a lamp. Classy. Get a bee bee gun and shoot it. It’s what I’d do.

Now we’re back on the Galactica. WHERE THE FUCK IS THIS SHOW GOING?

Lee is walking around the hangar bay. Adama is there too. Adama took a piece of red tape from Kara and they just put it on the floor. I love when those two love each other. Adama’s making an announcement. He called for attention.

He’s talking about Hera’s abduction. Now he believes Hera is being held because he asked Anders. We’re cutting to reactions all across the ship. Ellen and Tori. Tori is against it, Helen is for it. Lee is saying the mission is strictly volunteer. This is nuts. I think they said prisoners can go too. Tigh says everyone has to make their own choice and do it in person. This is very dramatic, and I’m excited as fuck. Hoshi doesn’t know what he wants to do.

Helo is happy, and Athena is looking sad. Athena is pissed because her daughter has probably been all chopped up. Helo is being optimistic. I love you Helo. I have an uncle named Carl. I don’t love him. That’s ironic. Don’t get me wrong, he’s okay. I just woudn’t call it love.

~8:46pm

Commercial.

So, I guess Adama is leading a giant assault against the Colony. You know what I would love? If Adama went in there guns blazing just as all the Colony’s defenders jumped away to destroy the Fleet. The Fleet gets wiped out while the Galactica destroys the Colony and rescues Hera. Then what do we have? Only the people who stayed on the Galactica, the very people who thought they were going to their deaths are the only humans who survive the series. How fucking nuts would that be? I would love that ending.

I still don’t know where Baltar’s insurection subplot is going, but I have a feeling now I didn’t have in the last few episodes that this is going somewhere logical and amazing. Like a perfect riddle, which is both surprising and inevitable.

PureSleep commercial again. Someone run some numbers for me, because I still say there’s no fucking way they’re turning a profit on this venture. How could they? I’ve seen ads everywhere for something that costs 30 bucks that almost no one needs. And only a fraction of the people that need it will buy it. How does that work?

~8:49pm

Back on Galactica with Roslin. I think she’s going to go. Now we’re back on Caprica. She’s alone in her house eating.

She’s talking on the phone with someone. She’s refusing to join Adar’s presidential campaign. The person on the other end of the phone is being relentless. She has agreed to go on a date if the person on the phone stops hassling her about joining a campaign. She’s going out with someone named Sean Allison? Hmm? Don’t know that name.

I think Roslin is eating Sushi. Now she’s looking sad again. Back on Galactica, Roslin is putting on her wig. She’s crawling down to the hangar bay.

~8:51pm

Adama is going off about how no one should feel obligated to join the mission. He said if there are not enough people to crew Galactica, he promised to leave a raptor assault with anyone who will join him. He’s saying that it’s likely to be a one way trip. I hope everyone crosses that line. That would just make me so happy I would never stop crying. He’s calling for volunteers to move to the Starboard side. Adama is looking very awesome right now.

~8:53pm

Waiting for people to move. No one is moving. Not a single soul. Lee is walking to join his father as are Tigh and Ellen. Cottle is volunteering. Adama said the Fleet can’t afford to lose a doctor and sent him back. Caprica Six crossed to join. Other people are following. We lost some marines. Tyrol and Tori have crossed. Other people are milling about. Baltar is staring at Caprica Six. People are still milling about. Laura Roslin just showed up. She’s very weak. Adama is smilling. I love their love. He’s helping her cross to the Starboard side. Fuck their talking is making my ass tear up. Damn it.

Adama is staring at the line and I think he’s about to call it good. It was about a 1/3 for 2/3 against. A raptor jumped into an asteroid field. They’re on top of a black hole. Wow. That ties in with Kara’s black hole rather nicely. The Raptor however just picked up a Colony. Wow.

~8:56pm

Back on Galactica. They’re talking about the Black Hole and all the crap floating around it. There’s a safe zone one click above the Colony. This is so nuts. Adama and everyone are making plans. Adama wants everyone to get to work.

We just got a “to be continued.”

Frak me.

*In my defense, I didn’t want to do this, felt bad that I was doing it, and would have preferred to abstain. I just had to do it because I’m so conditioned that if I don’t I can’t fall asleep at a decent hour.

~8:58pm

What if the Galactica jumps, drifts, falls through a black hole and ends up on ancient Earth? Then we find out that their descendants become all of us, that Earth was destroyed by another machine revolt causing all humans to leave for Kobol, and that later the Kobol Cylons went back to Earth. That would make the cyclical themes very strong… but… I just have no frakking clue. No clue at all, and I have no idea how they’re going to explain the Head Six, if they even plan to.

Previews for Next Week

People hae guns, Galactica is being blown to shit. Anders is looking really nuts. There’s hand to hand combat in this thing. This is going to be nuts, and I am going to have to type about it for two hours straight.