BSG 5/16/08

I was going to continue this right after the baby piece, but I don’t want BSG to become associated with unpleasant memories. Now, due to a sudden gust of depression and the fact that I’ve eaten six sundae cones today, let’s keep this brief.

Prepare to become as saturated with fantastical knowledge as a Companion of the Doctor with radiation from the Time Vortex! Also, I will have actual stories up next week.

PRE-SHOW DEEP THOUGHT:

Consider the following statements:

1. When it is hot, water boils

2. Water boils because it is hot.

When one performs a scientific experiment one observes the first statement and infers the second. Did you know, that on a deep philosophical level we do not KNOW that water boils because it is hot? We only infer it. This is one of the fundamental limitations of the scientific method.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Ugh… I should not eat sundae cones.

Time 8:00PM Mountain Time

Okay, we’re back in the fleet. Baltar is blabbing about Roslin having visions that are the same as Cylon visions. I can’t wait until the Base Star shows up. Roslin and Lee are arguing about what the people deserve. I would really love it if Roslin started to shout “flip-flopper” over and over again. I think that BSG could really learn a thing or two from Earth politics. Lee now knows that Roslin is sharing visions with the Cylons.

Time 8:03PM

On the Base-Star, Starbuck is telling the Cylons “how it’s going to be” once they jump back to the fleet. And then she said something I don’t understand about both ships having to jump back together…. uh… wouldn’t you want to jump Shit Force one and I don’t know…. WAIT ten minutes for them to explain the situation? Jesus fucking Christ, this story line is to plot as Jenna Jameson is to vaginas. Loose

Time 8:05PM

Six just asked Athena about her baby, and Athena gave her the “Don’t you fucking dare talk about MY baby look.” It looks like the base-star just jumped without Shit Force #1. Tigh is calling for birds to be put into the air. Jesus H. Christ, they jumped right into the goddamn fleet.  They’re practically bumping into other ships. Athena is trying to call the Fleet but her communication system is fried. Wow, they really frakked this up. Now Tigh sees some kind of pattern that will, my guess cause him to call off the attack.

Time 8:07PM

Tigh just called for a weapons hold and was vindicated like fifteen seconds later when Shit Force #1 showed up. I know I already made this point but the Demetrius really should have jumped first. I have a feeling this was a rough version of the script that they didn’t have time to fix because of the writer’s strike. BSG usually isn’t that sloppy.

Time 8:09PM

Commercial. The scientific model works as such. A person creates a theory “A” and using that theory predicts that it will yield results “B” under a certain set of conditions.

The scientist then performs the experiment and observes “B.” Note, the theory states that “A” implies “B.” The experiment on the other hand says that “B” implies “A.” Which is not necessarily true logically speaking.

The entire scientific method is based upon logic which doesn’t necessarily make any sense.

Now, just close your eyes, reduce the amount of information in your environment, and become a free flying quantum wave of probability.

Hypothetical Question: What if I could screw a woman as hard as I could screw a mind?

Time 8:12PM

We’re back in fleet. Galactica is sending ships to the Base Star. Soldiers are storming it as I type. Tigh is with them and scowling at everything he can see. Starbuck has claimed that the Cylons are with her. All the Cylons are giving each other very dramatic looks. Tigh just asked which “Cylon” shot Gaeta. Starbuck gave a very embarrassed look.

Time 8:14PM

Six is being debriefed by the president and Adama. They want to unbox the Xena model so that they can figure out who the Final Five are. Six is offering a chance to destroy the ultimate Cylon resurrection hub in exchange for Galactica’s help. We need some Bulgarian Xena music.

Time 8:16PM

Six has just asked for Adama’s word before she gives him the coordinates. She wants the Final Five to go with her once they have figured out who they are from the Xena model. They’re now dispatching a raptor out to the coordinates given to them by the Six. I have a question, what does a Base Star consume to repair itself?

Time 8:18PM

Kottel is performing his curmudgeon medical magic on Gaeta who refuses anesthetic. Are we still performing amputations in the space-faring age? Because that is kind of ridiculous. Kottel is cutting into Gaeta’s leg, Gaeta is freaking out about it, and Kottel looks like he wants a cigarette.

Time 8:19PM

Commercial. Whenever you take an observation you take into account a second number besides the one you observe, namely the error. While it is impossible to know for certain what you know, you can know the boundaries in which you know it. Therefore, when you find results of an experiment to be in agreement with a model, you again do not prove the theory, you simply show consistency given a range of values.

As our ability to measure increases, our models must adapt in order to reflect reality.

Also, it is literally so fucking hot in my room that all that lemonade I spilled on my shirt five minutes ago is completely gone. That is fucking hot.

Time 8:22PM

The BSG team is planning their attack on the resurrection hub. Tigh conveniently wants to simply blow up the whole facility with the Dianna unboxed. He’s got that look a cheating husband has when his wife has found lipstick on his collar. If that husband only had one-eye and looked like John McCain if you squinted and turned your head.

Time 8:24PM

Zareck is reading a statement about the attack to the Quorum of Twelve. Everyone blames Lee for it for some reason.

Time 8:25PM

The Fantastic Four are debating the merits of finding out who the other Cylons are. Tyrol is midly curious to find out who number five is.

Time 8:26PM

Roslin is talking to Tori while wearing her pirate bandanna. She just confronted Tori about sleeping with Baltar, and is giving her the hard steely gaze she gives people right before she shoves them out the ol’ airlock. Tori is back pedaling and claiming she agrees with Baltar’s spiritual message about putting his dick in as many women as he possibly can. God, Roslin would make an excellent small town sheriff in the back-waters. Just hanging people left and right. Running hoboes out of town. She just ordered Tori to suck off Baltar and find out where he’s getting his information. Why doesn’t she assume he’s getting his information from Tori?

Time 8:28PM

The Cylons are plotting how to create “insurance” against the fleet by back-stabbing them. The Sharon model is practically drewling over the idea of betraying another person. That is the most untrustworthy fucking model ever created.

Time 8:29PM

Gaeta is singing Irish songs about losing his leg and being Dominican. Lee has informed Roslin that the Quorum is going to have a vote of no confidence against her. I bet Lee comes to her defense solely for the reason it’s unpopular. God he loves being at the tough end of the fight. Now he’s giving a speech about being on an emergency jump, and coping with uncertainty. Lee is advising Roslin to talk to the Quorum. He is so hackneyed now. He does the same thing every time he’s involved in a conflict.

Time 8:31PM

For everything we see we cite a cause and an effect… and also John Hodgman is on a Mac commercial. Bless you John Hodgman. Anyhow, you take this line of cause and effect back and back and back… to what? Infinity? Where does it end? Must there not be something which is, transcends is, and yet compels is to be is? The world may never know.

Fact: If I keep my lap top on my lap too long my left testicle starts to ache. I worry my computer has given me testicular cancer. I don’t know though, that one has always been a little bit droopy and off.

Time 8:35PM

Tori is laying next to Baltar looking frigid. Baltar is complaining that she’s not gobbling his knob. She told Baltar that he lied about Roslin sharing visions with Cylons and now she’s crying. Traitorous dirty whore. Baltar said that he got the story from Caprica Six. Is he about to reveal the existence of head Six?

Baltar is talking about how Roslin uses rhetoric to keep people in the dark! Hahahahaha. At least we know from previous entries of mine it is almost certain he has every kind of space VD in the fleet.

Time 8:37PM

Gaeta is singing again, his mournful Irish songs about being a Dominican with one leg. He had better get an amazing space leg. Cut to Roslin in the Quorum of Twelve arguing about how awesome she is, and what an amazing small town sheriff she would make. Seriously? I could see her sniffing out criminals and telling them to get out of town in roundabout menacing ways. She’s bringing in the Base Star Six and the Quorum is giving her eyes full of bale. I bet she could go a long way toward convincing them if she just brought in another six and scissored with her right there on the Quorum table.

She’s preaching about change and time, and how the imminent threat of death has brought her closer to Jesus Christ. She’s preaching about how awesome death is because it gives life meaning. Roslin is giving her dark small town sheriff look like someone just asked her to eat a bowl full of bullshit.

Kara is having visions of the Hybrid telling her amazing things as Six speaks. The Quorum looks like a bunch of PTO members who have just been reminded of their actual insignificance.

Time 8:41PM

Gaeta is still singing his Irish songs. Okay, so let’s think about this. We can make a whole new human being no problem. But can we make a new foot. Fuck no. That’s way too much to ask for.

Time 8:42PM

Athena, Caprica, and Roslin are chasing Athena’s baby through the Opera House because no one put those little child fences in the doors of her room. Six has picked her up and is carrying her toward Baltar in a sea of light. Hera just told Athena bye bye. Can we have one child in a sci-fi series who doesn’t 1. grow at an unusual rate and have sex with someone or 2. have a mysterious ability to foretell the future.

Time 8:43PM

I was going to talk about DeBroglie wavelengths but you know what? It is fucking balls hot in this room and I’m going to go get some lemonade. BALLS HOT!

It’s like being on Satan’s inner thigh right next to his testi satchel. That’s how hot it is.

Time 8:46PM

And we’re back. Starbuck has gone to talk to Roslin. Roslin tells Starbuck that if she were a Cylon she’s very cunning. Starbuck is more concerned with Roslin’s visions and the Opera House. Roslin wants to know who told her that. Now she wants to know how the hybrid knows about the Opera House. Starbuck wishes she knew how the Hybrid knew. Roslin says she has to know what’s really going on? Don’t we all, Roslin? Don’t we all? We know that as currently formulated Quantum Theory and Relativity cannot both be correct. What the fuck is going on?

Time 8:48PM

Six is flip flopping on her trust-worthy issue and wants to go along with the fleet’s plan. Six has been told to stall for time with Adama while Leobon “deals” with the Centurions. I see some serious Centurion rebellion happening very shortly.

Time 8:50PM

Baltar is getting into a raptor with Roslin. She’s confessed her visions to him, and is taking Baltar to go see the hybrid on the base ship… that I thought was dead? So wait… a Hybrid can pass out in a spreading pool of it’s own blood, receive no attention for it, and live? God fucking damn it, this script has more holes than a lesbian gang bang.

Time 8:51PM

Athena found a bunch of pictures Hera made, because of course Hera has the ability to predict the future because she’s a child in a sci-fi show. That just follows logically. Now Athena is running down the hallway after Hera and Roslin is on her way to the Base Star. Six is on board the Galactica. Athena is having “The Shining” like visions of Hera running down red carpeted hallways. Six is rounding a corner, and I’m guessing that she runs into baby Hera in just a couple of seconds. My God Tyrol looks like a skin head (Athena passed him in the hallway).

Roslin is getting closer to the Hybrid. Hera has approached Six and Athena has pulled her gun and said “Get the hell away from my child.” Tigh is ordering everyone to stand down.

Time 8:54PM

Roslin is plugging the Hybrid in so she can talk to it. Tyrol is coming into take Hera away from the Six, Hera has agreed to be picked up, Roslin is about to talk to the Hybrid, Athena still really wants to shoot the Six. Athena shot the Six… twice. Damn that was awesome. The Hybrid has been plugged in and ordered the Base-Star to jump away… and GAETA IS STILL FUCKING SINGING LIKE A DRUNKEN GODDAMN PIRATE! YOU ARE FUCKING DOMINICAN OR MONGOLIAN OR SOME SHIT! YOU CANNOT FUCKING SING IRISH SONGS! DO NOT INSULT MY GODDAMN INTELLIGENCE!

Time 8:56PM

That’s the show. Stay tuned for previews.

Time 8:58PM

Galactia is jumping after the Base-Star without the fleet, Tigh is punching Adama because Tigh has been porking or fighting with her. Okay, I need to go find out if my sister has had her child yet.