UPDATE: You can vote three times, of course.
Happy New Year to everyone, and I hope that the impending collapse of civilization as we know it hasn’t dampened anyone’s spirits. Sure, we’re all broke and have gloomy prospects for the future but that’s no reason to feel down! In celebration of the New Year, I will let all of you vote on the next story I write.
1. The time my penis fell out of my pants in high school during career day
2. The time I spent three days helping my dad’s pygmy goat give birth
3. The time my cousin Vincent got poop all over his leg when he was trying to empty the septic tank on my grandpa’s motor-home
4. The time my father was going to kill a random kid because he couldn’t find his cel phone
5. The time I accidentally punched an adorable six year old girl in the face during Karate practice (I was a kid too, so I didn’t do any lasting damage)
6. The time I had to convince all my coworkers on the oil rig that demons aren’t real so we could go home
7. A reflection on my sister’s boyfriends, including her first boyfriend who had an uncanny resemblance to Tom Green, and whom she used to beat without mercy
8. A story about a kid I went to school with who had the worst family in all of Aberdeen, this is both a funny and a sad story
9. A story about my dad yelling at a kid during my Boy Scout meeting, in which he threatened among other things to kill the kid’s mother
10. A story about me and my brother shooting a punch of asshole disrespectful barely human teenagers with a pellet gun until they all began to cry like little girls
For those few of you who are interested, I’m planning on having the first draft of “Gray Bolt” done by the end of January, maybe the middle of February. I have a couple of other things I need to finish up before I get back to it. And after that, I’m going to start on something else.
Just leave the number of the story you want me to write in the comments. I’ll write the top three stories next week.
#6 please!
I vote for #9 – it make my parent\’s embarassing social spasms less damaging when I know I\’m not the only one.
#7 or #10 would be awesome.
If you do anything other than 6 I shall tear this website down!!!!
Fuck democracy.
#8 sounds like the type of stories IMO you are best at telling.
Keep up the great work man.
#10 please!
Okay – here’s what I think I’d like to see
#6, closely followed by 8 and 9
(I don’t think I can settle for just one – I would be deeply disappointed with anything less than those 3 stories)
#7, then #6.
Your sister’s life choices can only make a fantastic story.
#8 please. Your sad ones are the best. However, #6 & #1 sound hilarious.
#10
I have to say 1, 6 and 10
1, 6 &10
My votes: 1, 6, 7, 8.
6, 7, and 8 in that order. But tell all of them. Please.
6,4, and 8. But you know, you should really disregard whatever we vote for if you decide one of these would be the best to write about. I find that when I ask others for advice about which thing to write it gets me writing, but almost never about the thing they choose.
4, 9, and 10 for me
NO votes for #2? well i gotta admit i was also gonna say the demon thing, but…go #2!! come on, smear it on up there!
Any from 6 to 9.
Though I think I would like to hear about demons first.
Gray Bolt! Woo.
#10 if i cant receive the above request
Mmm, it’s like a box of delicious chocolates without any narsty ginger ones. My vote is for 10, 8…and it’s a toss up between any of the ‘dad stories’…let’s make it 9.
6, 7 and freakin’ 8. And then later combine all the stories about your dad into a super post.
Anything but six. Stand up to Rob\’s tyranny. Oh do 7. Cause I\’d love to compare your sister\’s boyfriends with my sister\’s. How many of her\’s have said they were gay in order to break up with her? And how many others faked their death?
7 and 6
How dare you defy me!
Sacrifice 1000 goats to placate me or else!
6.
6, 7, & 8
Dont tread on me Rob. Free the goats! Take back your Internet freedoms! Be you not free man? Let us nourish the tree of liberty with the blood of this digital tyrant!
I vote #2 or #6.
C’mon! Pygmy goat!
didnt you already write about number 1?? hmm..
how about number 7 & 9 !!
6,7, & 10
3, 6 … and I can’t decide between 7 or 10. No I can’t follow directions and only pick three. You can’t make me. *hrmph*
7 and 9. Love hearing about that cunt and your crazy ass dad.
9, 9, 1
I love how this gets more comments than your actual writing.
Awesome.
1, 6, 7 !!!
all of them, of course. but if i only get to vote on three, then 5, 6 and 10.
#7 and #* and #10 Please!
I vote for 6, 7, and 9.
4 6 7 8 9, I couldn’t decide and those sounded the best.
I do wish you would write more about Rachel and your step-dad Mike though. Hell there should be a 1/2 hour long reality sitcom following the two of them around town. I would tune in to watch their zany antics.
#6, then #10, then #8.
but really really #6.
Holy shit how am I suppose to choose? Just get to work on all of them as quickly as you can.
2, 7,or 8
But I’d prefer all of them and since you have a list I expect to see them this year
I vote for (in order) 7, 6 and 5, with a backup of #10.
Because voting only once or even thrice is for the weak.