Help Me Help You Bankrupt Patrick Rothfuss

For a relatively small price, you can help people in third-world countries get actual-sized/useful goats and other such bothersome farm animals to improve their quality of life.

If I were the kind of person who hangs out with other people, I would probably engage in the Most Sacred Male Bonding Rite* with someone like Patrick Rothfuss. He’s a seemingly laid back, down to earth, awesome guy. Instead, I will stare fearfully at the front door hoping no one knocks, and give you a few reasons to donate to his favorite charity.

Reason #1

I like to send my readers to good people and good things. Patrick Rothfuss (aside from being the author of an amazing book) is raising money for Heifer International and has promised to match your donation dollar for dollar. That means if you donate a dollar, Patrick Rothfuss will donate a dollar of his own money without limit. That means if he can collectively raise $50k he will shell out $50k of his own money in matching donations.

Reason #2

Upon understanding the above fact, I realized it was possible Patrick Rothfuss might actually go bankrupt trying to help people. I personally find this idea to be hilarious. Which is why I am writing this.

Reason #3

So, as I understand it, the charity works as follows. You donate money on Patrick Rothfuss’ page on the charity site, he matches your donation, that money goes to help buy some form of livestock to a needy family in a poor nation. Since I hate animals (especially goats) I find the idea of exporting them to third world countries to be an awesome idea for a charity. Yes, I understand there’s no reason to believe the animals will be exported from the United States, but I saw an opportunity for a joke and I took it. Damn you!

Reason #4

You can win fabulous prizes! Patrick Rothfuss promises to enter your name in for a drawing to win all sorts of prizes based upon his book, and other books. While this may only be appealing if you are an uber nerd such as myself, it sweetens the pot a little.

If you are not lucky enough to simply win a copy of Patrick Rothfuss book, The Name of the Wind, I highly recommend purchasing it on-line or at your local book seller.

Reason #5

Just follow these links and read Patrick Rothfuss’ explanation. Then do the right thing, since I provide you people with free content, and it’s about damn time you did something for me.

Heifer International Part 1

Heifer International Part 2

A Few Questions Answered

More Prizes, More Questions

Or, if you’re like me and hate having to listen to the long speech that precedes someone asking you to donate to their chairty just go to Patrick Rothfuss’ Personal Donation page and give money. I imagine you’ll be prompted for all the information you need to donate.

*The Most Sacred Male Bonding Rite:

Step 1. dress in an offensively casual manner normally associated with the schizophrenic homeless

Step 2. eat disgusting things at Denny’s between the hours of 2am and 4am

Step 3. in a state of near intoxication that has been reached from over consumption of cholesterol rich food, describe your ideal society to your friends

Step 4. your friends denounce your version of utopia as “horse shit!” and supply their own superior utopian models.

Step 5. everyone gets so bloated on grease and french fries the argument reduces to a simmer and everyone mumbles and agrees that they would do a much better job running the world than any current government.