I’ve mentioned this story several times in passing, but I gave it the full work-up at Violent Acres.
The Worst of All Possible Vaginas
A story of horror, revulsion, and the things we wish we had never seen. Don’t read on a full stomach.
Now, in a completely natural and healthy act of transition, just a reminder that I’m starting serialization of Gray Bolt Ascending tomorrow.
That story was just plain brilliant.
Or as Marlon Brando said in Apocalypse Now “The Horror, The Horror”.
An example of BC at his best!
Dear god. I am speechless. But, a hearty thanks to V for the awesome guest post!
Great imagery, but watch out – you\’ll incur the (puny) wrath of all those Cthulhu geeks still hatin\’ Stephen King for suggesting Mr Lovecraft\’s greatest literary creation was inspired by an abiding phobia of female genitalia…
The mental image! It burns!
Despite the horror, consider your blog the newest addition to my RSS feed collection.
“Andrew, why would you want to be a priest? what about sex? dont you want to be with a girl?” Frankly, I have been with two ladies and it was wonderful but, I feel I have a more important job to do. also, I would Gladly spend everyday for the remainder of my earthly life living alone, sleeping alone, eating alone for the next forty years if it means never encountering a “Heather”. ps- in this Day and age I must clarify, little boys do not enter into the equation I think that is the most reprehensible crime on the face of the earth. to steal the innocence of a child is to destroy pure good. lets all remember not to judge an entire group on a few scumbags after all, if I said all internet blogs were crap what about BC? to call his work anything other than solid gold is utter nonsense.
This was awesome! Too bad I didn’t see the warning and read it over my morning coffee. We’ve all had our share of Heathers, male or female. Maybe we should get them all together in one place a big orgy. Thanks, good site, I will be back.
I miss V, but that Heather essay was amazing.
I won’t be able to eat today, but that was worth it.
Give me her number. We can make beautiful babies together.
O. My. Gawd. That was a beautiful AND repulsive. Heatherrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhh.
I loved the piece over at Violent Acres (it came up in my news feed). Also, those coveralls are like a perfect reverse of mine by the end of the day.
Great story… and if it\’s real* it\’s a great look into the role reversal of sexual harrassement/stalking some women can face on the job.
I still feel sorry for Heather, however. How could someone sink so low as to think that was the way to attract sexual attention to yourself?
-M_E_B
* I have only read from you through V… so as far as I know you\’re just a talented fictionalist basing a story on a person, a photo from your life and a straight while male\’s greatest fear: fat woman who wants him.
No offense intended, it\’s the internet and all.
Grain of salt etc.
Thanks to everyone who commented, and when V yells at me she wants something I just do it. Mostly because I’m timid.
@MEB
I sexed up the tone of it, but it happened. No worries, I don’t get worked up if people question the truth of stuff I write. It’s a normal reaction, especially given that this is the internet.
Please give my other stories a chance and let me know what you think.
Meh. There are worse things in life, get over yourself!
@Lola
Over. Whew.
Thanks for that bit of advice. I’ve been struggling with that for a long time and your comment was just what I needed to leap the final hurdle.
I hesitate to say I “enjoyed” that story, but it was fantastically written.
Having spent the afternoon reading through your archives I am truly ashamed to share the same first name as your older sister – even if it is a fake one.
Thought you may get a kick out of this; We’ve been practicing with our new studio software and whipped together a quick electro tune using snippits from your article as an experiment for blending spoken word and backbeats. Check it out:
http://www.last.fm/music/March+of+Istria/_/The+Youngest+of+Us
Hope that links works, new the the whole last.fm thing. Loved the tone of the article. Keep it up.
–paw
@pawdugan
That was the coolest thing I have ever heard ever. Here I thought that only John Hodgman, Morgan Freeman, and Gene Hackman had the ability to dramatize on that level.
Thank you very much.
That story was horrifying yet I still laugh. The emotional scarring was worth it though. I\’m not sure how this story qualifies you as needing to get over yourself as Lola suggested. Strange. Please go against her advice and keep writing. It is one of the few blogs I consistently read and I desparately need all the distraction I can get. Working is for poor people! Too bad I\’m a poor people.
Oh. My. God.
I seriously had the bile rise up there…hilarious and yet horrifying. Good (I guess?) job.