Yes, I Suck
As you have no doubt deduced, I have been rather busy lately and this leaves me with very little time to write. Between work, the kids, and general house upkeep I find myself short on time. However, in the interests of me not going insane from pent up creative energy let us do the following:
Suggest a topic, story, or other such creative endeavor you would like to see me whip out and I’ll write it for this coming Wednesday. I’m going to leave this wide open to your suggestions, but here are a couple of things I have clanking around in my head in case you’re interested.
1. A big review of “The First Law Trilogy” by Joe Abercrombie in which I will hopefully avoid being a dick by making the review solely in world and not about Joe Abercrombie. It’s strange, but looking back at the reviews I’ve done (even though they were positive) I find myself nodding and saying “Wow, what a colossal penis you are BC Woods.”
The review will involve people being saved by dolphins.
2. The time my dad kept using racial slurs at my NASA scholarship interview.
3. A fantasy story involving a call center, and probably Thor. I don’t know. I haven’t peeled this onion yet but I have a feeling if I started writing on it, I would write solidly for eight hours and end up with a novelette at the end from out of nowhere.
I’m a feast or famine writer.
4. A horror story, involving some kind of small company that sells something. This involves the internet, rape, and an possibly the worst and most vulgar form of revenge I can imagine.
5. A fantasy story set in my fantasy world. I have no idea what it will be about, but I’m sure I can dream up something.
How will I pick the winner? Good question. I have no idea.
It’s whatever looks good when I go to start putting words down on paper, but I like hearing from you guys and maybe I’ll get nudged one way or the other.
My first choice is another story about your Dad (the NASA interview). I love stories about your dad.
My second choice is a horror story involving a small company which ends in the worst form of revenge you can imagine.
Either one of these, I bet, will be simply awesome!
My vote is for the big First Law review where you don’t look like a colossal penis. Maybe you can make me look like one instead…?
Racist NASA!
@Melanie
Noted.
@Joe Abercrombie
Well, even if you aren’t really Joe Abercrombie, I’m going to do that one anyway because you/theactualJoeAbercrombie wrote some fantastic books. I finished the trilogy last week and I’ve been thinking about how to share it with my readers ever since.
I haven’t reviewed any books in a while because I review only stuff I truly enjoy and I don’t review so much as just write a sales pitch using absurdity and dark humor.
@Eric
Noted.
two two two
@Dillon
Looks like I may be pulling double duty here soon.
#2
Second choice #4 (just like Melanie who must be an awesome person!)
I vote #2 because a) I love stories involving your father and b) I am a big space geek. Have you seen the ISS pass over lately? Ohhh Emmm Geeee.
Number two, please. Your family stories are my favorite.
Oh my, I totally agree with Melanie! You rock girl!
Btw, BC your reasons for not being able to blog make you sound like a career woman…..welcome to our world
To save yourself I recommend watching the Spike Channel while eating buffalo wings in one hand and the other hand tucked securely on your waistband for at least 24 hours……
I stand alone at #3.
Thor I say, Thor!
@Eileen
What would you innocent little doe-eyed students say if they found out their art teacher was soliciting a young man to write a story about r@pe?
Hmm?
And once again:
HMMMMMMMMM?
@DiaryofWhy
Grassy ass, and noted.
@Woundeddeer
Yes, except they’re not my kids and it’s not my house, but I love the kids and since they live the house: what can I do?
I’d rather just stay up late and use internet typewriter.
God damn do I love that program.
1, 2 or 5!
How kind you are, giving us all these delectable choices! It’s like you’re taking us out for ice cream or something.
My first inclination is for 2. NASA SLURS because I like your family tales, but I’d hate to thwart a productive piece of fiction that you might otherwise work on (ie. 4. A HORROR STORY INVOLVING SOME KIND OF SMALL COMPANY THAT SELLS SOMETHING).
Five, sir, five! I want more of your fantasy setting!
2 and 3. Your father is funny and I love me some Thor.
Any of them! While I would prefer two it truly does not matter to me!
2&4: I’m very torn between racial slurs at NASA and heinous revenge wrapped in a tale of rape and teh interwebs.
Aside: I actually remember that episode of the Flintstones-it was when Fred and Barney got famous in a band and Betty and Wilma went to one of their concerts and started telling the kids that they heard F&B were squares (the scene shown there) because they were tired of not seeing their husbands anymore since they were always touring. In typical campy 60s fashion, the mere mention of them being square is enough to scare off their legion of teenaged fans. Good times…
I gonna go with three.
Oh, and when I saw that blog title and that picture, I thought you were going somewhere completely different.
#2 or #5
I always enjoy your fantasy stories, but the thought of your father insulting NASA employees with racial slurs is enough to make me laugh just sitting here.
Yes, yes, #2.
The one about your Dad and Nasa. Then anything about Mike. I miss hearing about him.
I’m kind of feeling 4. or 2. your family stories never fail to amuse to the nth degree but 4 would be somehting different. I like your fantasy stories but a horror story from you? I want it bad.
the NASA story sounds like it will be very funny, but i really gotta know what the worst and most vulgar form of revenge your mind can think up involves.
Oh the horrors story!
2,4,5
get er done!
4, I say!
Thor! I work in a call center. This environment would be greatly improved by the addition of a Norse God.
NASA or the horror story. Also are you working at the oil fields again this summer?
Oooh Oooh Oooh! [Like the asshole kid in 4th grade who knew all the answers all the time and waved his hand like a freakin' windmill so teacher would call on him. That wasn't me - I was the one looking at my fellow students, sneering and saying, "Jeez - what an asshole!"]
So now that I have your attention - I really hope that you will bedazzle us with “the worst and most vulgar form of revenge” you can imagine because I would really enjoy that. A lot.
Please?
@Everyone
Duly noted. I’ll write it up on paper tomorrow when I take the kids to the water park.
BC just put down a tarp and turn on the sprinklers the kids will be fine. Go write the story.
horrorplzkthnx
I am ALL about the story with your Dad. I love your real life stories!
Oh no! I’m too late. I would have voted for the fantasy story, not that it would have mattered much. This is what happens when I go out of town.